Newton plays Hide n Seek

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek

Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den......... ..He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching... ..

Everyone starts hiding except Newton...... ...

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein.

Einstein's counting 1,2,3......97, 98,99.... .100..... ... He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front....... .

Einstein says "newton's out..newton' s out....."

Newton denies and says "I am not out........I am not Newton...... "

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton.

Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1m squared.....

That makes me Newton per meter squared..... .

Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I'm Pascal, Therefore Pascal is OUT.......!

Newton's laws of LOVE (Humor in Science)

First law:



A boy in love with a girl continues to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy continues to be in love with him, until and unless any external agent(brother or father of the girl) comes into play and breaks the legs of the boy.





Second law:



The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to his bank balance.





Third law:



The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.



Universal law:



Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; it can only be transferred from one girl/Boy friend to another girl/Boy friend.

Mathematical proof (Pure Humor)

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy
Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work
In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++ ++

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Men = Donkey + earn money
Therefore:
Men-earn money = Donkey
In other words
Men who d'nt earn mony = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +

Equation 3

Women= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Women = Donkey + spend
Women - spend = Donkey
In other words,
Women who don't spend = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men who don't earn money = Women who don't spend
So Men earn money not to let women become donkey!
And women spend not to let men become donkey!
So, We have:
Men + Women = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Men + Women = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

**************

Love-letter by a Maths teacher (Humor)

My Dear SweetHeart,


Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.


There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.





My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.


The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.


I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set.


The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.


Truly Yours

*********

Equations

SSC + HSC + BTech + MBA = UNEMPLOYMENT



One Chinese gymnast = India's Gold Medal tally since 1896

Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.

4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute song in Hindi movie.

Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol..

Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favorite serials.

Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan

Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt

1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film

Reading mails all the time + no replies = Silence of the Lamb!

Software Engineer, Qualified Employee + No Work = Forwards

A letter to Bill Gates from santa singh

-----------------------


Dear Mr. Bill Gates,


This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer
for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your
notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ******
appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but
we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware
vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I
request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.


2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '
button.


3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request
you to check this.


4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run '
has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so
that we can click that by sitting.


5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find
only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.


6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost
the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',
but unable to trace. Is it a bug??


7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from
CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.


8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning
'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect
ur money.


9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence', so when u will provide that?

Doctor's Medical Certificate

Doctor's Medical Certificate





Doctor Certified



i Certified that Mr. /Miss ________________ _ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness.


Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.





Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems.


The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.


It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc.

which can directly lead to heart strokes.


In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.


Sd/- Dr. Impatient


********

Alt+ Ctrl+ Delete

IF ONLY LIFE COULD BE LIKE A COMPUTER!


If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!


To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!


If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".


Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.


To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.


To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.


To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.


If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.


When you lose your car keys, click on "find".


"Help" with the chores is just a click away.


You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your diskette to recover from a crash.


We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.


To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".


Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.


To undo a mistake, click on "back".


Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".


you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

IT Twins

SO CUTE!!!



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Laloo got job in Microsoft Corporation(HUMOR)

Laloo got job in Microsoft Corporation




Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.

A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.

No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.


Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."

Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? Par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.


Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
Our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- AB Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
Shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.

Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State..........

Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State..........


LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.


**********

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

**********

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

**********

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

**********

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

**********

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

**********

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

**********

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

**********

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

**********

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

**********

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

**********

Intelligent Thinking

Intelligent Thinking




A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."


The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.

He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:

M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire. .........

Have a great day!!!

Pls Note: - Do not try to contact me through email as I'm closing all my email addresses and going to sell tomatoes!!!
Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!! !



*******

IT Humor- eToons