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HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.
HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself
HEIGHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match
HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain.
HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout 'F1 F1 F1 ' instead of shouting 'HELP' when u are unable to swim... 
Software Engineer's Daily Routine
8:30AM: wake up
8:45AM: Tough decision; to bath or not.
8:50AM: Have To.
9:15AM: Punch in.
9:20AM: Check Mail.
9:25AM: Check Again just in case...
9:30AM: Since It is already 9:30 wait for tea (9:45AM).
9:45AM: TEA party.
10:00AM: Check Mail.
10:05AM: Check again. Can't believe that no mail has come. Is every body dead or what?
10:20AM: Sudden feeling of loneliness and desperation turn around to look for some body (Any body) to talk to.
10:30AM: Found a guy testing something. Feel real pity for his pathetic, boring and useless existence.
10:40AM: Sudden urge to get some work done and fast. Start looking for the file.(Can't remember it's name)
11:00AM: Boss summons in his office. Bad sign.
11:30AM: How the hell! Am I supposed to remember everything? Why should I be responsible for everything that goes bad?
11:45AM: Try to locate a scapegoat. No body around.
12:00AM: Mood is really bad decided to postpone work till after lunch.
12:30AM: lunch
1:00PM: Lunch over.
1:10PM: Go for a smoke. Can't even smoke in this god forsaken place.
1:35PM: Back from a smoke. It was good. I even did not pay for the cig. The other chap is so foolish.
1:50PM: Mood is good. Decide to go to cool web sites.
2:30PM: Feeling real sleepy after such a mammoth mental effort.
2:45PM: Tea Time.
3:00PM: Chat and discuss with colleague on the bad state of the company. Blame everybody for incompetence and laziness
4:00PM: A guy from testing comes for help.(Jerk)
4:11PM: Try to look busy.
4:12PM: He is asking for a technical help.(Real jerk).
4:15PM: After really making him beg for help decide to take a look.
4:50PM: No solution found. Really angry on the guy for getting myself involved.
4:55PM: Suddenly boss is spotted in the neighboring area. Try making as much loud noise as possible with some obscure technical jargon thrown in.
5:00PM: Boss has gone back to his den. Coast is clear.
5:05PM: Blame the problem on RnD.
5:10PM: Check mail. "Yes" a mail has finally arrived.
5:13PM: It's a silly joke and old too. But it felt good.
5:14PM: a quick dash for gate.
5:15PM: Third in punching out.
5:25PM: Reached Room.
5:26PM: TV on. No worth while program.
8:30PM: Still no worth while program. Every body is getting lazy and irresponsible what will happen to this world GOD help us. Curse government and RnD.
8:45PM: Food arrives. Pretty bad and stinking.
8:48PM: Dinner finished.
12:45AM: Today there were really good programs.
1:46AM: Decide to sleep. Tough day ahead.
******
Home is where you hang your @.
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
You can't teach new mouse old clicks.
The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
Great groups from little icons grow.
Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
C: is the root of all directories.
Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
The modem is the message.
Too many clicks spoil the browse.
The geek shall inherit the earth.
A chat has nine lives.
Don't byte off more than you can view.
Fax is stranger than fiction.
What boots up must come down.
Windows will never cease.
Virtual reality is its own reward.
Modulation in all things.
A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
There's no place like home.com.
Know what to expect before you connect.
Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
******
Softwarism !! ( IT Humor )
Gandhism:
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.
*******
Indiraism:
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
*******
Lalooism:
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
*******
Rajnikantism:
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.
*******
Rajivism:
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.
*******
Softwarism:(Ultimate....):
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!
Intelligent Thinking
A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.
He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.
The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"
The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"
Moral of the story:
M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire. .........
Have a great day!!!
Pls Note: - Do not try to contact me through email as I'm closing all my email addresses and going to sell tomatoes!!!
Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!! !
*******
Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe),he started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give
him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer
asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
********
Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt
